All posts by Barbara

same, same but different

seeing things, seeing things, seeing things, scanning things

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I cannot get away.

From the sea,

From seeing things,

From scanning you,

From diverting my gaze,

From catching yours,

From keeping silent,

From breaking silence,

From trembling,

From the turbulence,

From tremendous thinking,

I cannot keep my mind occupied anymore.

As I’ve been thinking of you.

whiskey 🖖🏻

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Time is fluid: unstoppable, running, melting and diffusing

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Hey. It’s been awhile. Yes, yes I know… We said we’ll keep in touch. But having in mind our past cases – we already could foresee what’s going to happen for us. In fact, it wasn’t even that hard, predicting the cards, I mean. I guess my dream of becoming a freelance-fortuneteller has somewhat worked out, right? (millionaire freelance-fortuneteller is the next title I’m working on)

I want to see how long did your hair grow? I cut mine entirely. Can you imagine? Just chopped it off… Like That!

Do you know I have two alien tattoos now? The first one… Well, I was kind of a-little-perhaps-a-lot drunk for the first one, but can you imagine that the second was planned? Yup, Intentional, with the capital I, where the I in it was maybe a little tipsy the night when the decision was made. I’m still full of surprises… And, of course, alcohol. Nothing’s changed in that department. Good old whiskey, gin & wine recruitment agency is busy as ever.

What’s next… Oh, a smiley piercing. Yup, that too. It’s such a teenage rebellion cliche, but I guess my age nullifies the whole banality thing. I’m still a cool cucumber. (as cool as a person that uses ‘cool cucumber’ in a sentence gets),

Physical changes aside, did I tell you about my shifting locale? I lived in Japan for awhile and officially became a Buddhist there (they gave me a diploma).

My Sweet baby ramen, I miss you. 

Stayed with monks and climbed many many mountains… It was breath-taking and sometimes lonely (climbing in silence with no one around can be intimidating) but most of it was adventurous. I would love to tell you more about it, but it deserves a whole another story. I’ll keep it for later. For that wine & cheese night that we usually do. I mean did… But maybe will do once again too?

And what did I tell you? The recruitment agency always means business. CHINK

How much time has passed already?

I forgot to count. 1 time, 2 times, 3 times… Well, logically and grammatically this sentence does not even make sense. One does not simply count time in units. But whatever the case – it still feels like it’s at least 100s times passed the last time I saw you.

I remember saying goodbye. In fact, we didn’t do much. It was more like an exchange of a couple blinks, smiles, fluctuating voice tones and hand waves. This lame order finalised our many years together. We should be more dramatic, that way I could at least squeeze up a good story to tell. With what we have I can only scrape an ‘end’ and a ‘story’. NUTTIN MUCH, YA KNOW.

Seas, mountains, hair, tattoos and loads of other stuff are becoming part of an evidence that I will be held against you. Evidence of time passing. Because I told you, it’s uncountable. Time is fluid. Unstoppable. Running. Melting and diffusing.

So I thought, maybe… Maybe, at least, I can show you.

Hey, it’s been awhile.

 

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tonsillitis interpreted

3

z

so this week I am stuck in bed. tonsillitis came earlier than usual. boredom and pain is a killer combo. literally

Am I a mad woman? Feverish, yet empty.

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The bittersweet taste of wine dries my already sore throat. You see… it is hurt from the dozens of cigarettes that I smoked today. And of course, there’s a nosebleed with the rest of the problem wagon, telling me to quit bad habits. I ended up pushing table napkins down the nostrils aggressively, almost with the strength of a mining man trying to escape being buried several feet underground in a shaft.

Yes, these bibs were used as if my life depended on it and I guess my anxiety is to be blamed here. It makes me slightly overreact. But somehow unpolished roughness of my actions suited this run-down pub. What do you think…? Even the person sitting next to me didn’t blink. You’d be surprised what you can see at this rat’s hangout. Speaking of which, the old man is chugging down a second in a row glass of Spiced Morgan’s with rocks to the top. The fellow must have it hard, yet every sip he takes eases the pain away or perhaps just relaxes his face muscles. Numbness feels nice, I understand.

I always see the weirdest bunch in here. I can even put a wager that the interior matches each of our moral compasses. And as you guessed it, this place looks like a horse’s shit. Even more, smells like one.

Just look at what we have at the left corner circle booth. Those two ladies asked for the cheapest Sauvignon Blanc on the menu. Nothing bad with that, we all barely have green in our pockets, but I say choose something real if you’re drinking at this place. Wine is clearly outdated, but it went unnoticed. Rob (manager/owner/bartender and chef) rarely enjoys an occasion of opening a new bottle and the last time I checked – only a single one has been opened for a couple of weeks now. Minus the pretentious hags, others just admit reality and live peacefully with their stench: drinking all sorts of nonsense without even taking the flies out.

This all-encompassing blob of a phase leaves me lurking, talking to you. But a couple of Tullamore’s and I will shut you up for today. Sorry, you are a bit annoying sometimes. I really just enjoy being numb to people, to the breath-taking and sometimes ugly surroundings and noises that are passing me by in the slowed and more often forwarded motion.

Is that guy next to me choking or coughing? How funny… No one even lifted their heads, except Robert, but he looks kind of pissed. I hope this guy is not planning to die here. I don’t know what the old guy could do to a dead person, but I believe he could come up with something. creative. Like a little haunt for the rest of his life on the other side?

Haha – Came out loudly.

But as I thought, not a single glance towards me.

I wonder if a lack of sensation is a twisted outcome of growing-up? Throw a kid or two in this place and we would get totally different reaction to the freak show.

Oh, what the hell… This nose of mine started bleeding again and now it feels like my chest is carrying a weight of a grown-up man. The one who goes to a gym every other day and lifts loads, chugs down protein shakes and rounds it up with a t-shirt free selfie.

Am I a mad woman? Feverish, yet empty. A collection of clashes. I stopped for a second whatever I was doing. To take a breath and light up another cigarette… To find myself almost throwing up. I was far overdoing my limits, overdosing my capacities. This empathy was somewhat pleasing and I guess that kind of saddened me for a second.

Oh, here it is. An emotion and it is usually followed up with a shutdown.

Yup

I guess I’m/you’re drowning. Please, just have a single breath left somewhere in you/me. I/you will need it to find my way back home. Before you/I go, check the face. Does our grin look at ease?

PHOTO DIARY: visiting the city of cats.

Recently, (if you are the type to think that two months are recent) me and my loca friend packed our green backpacks of  adventure time and went for a petite journey to Portugal. Having Finn and Jack’s coolness levels, we hustled our way to Porto. Before all the fun began we decided to plan a little ergo picked a couchsurfer with an ideal tree fort to match our theme. Besides that, the plan for the rest of the trip was left pretty much unsorted. We like intrigue, you see.

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Plane landed our tipsy bottoms safely yet a slight hint of exhaustion was coming our way due to all that bottle popping  at 7am. It’s not an addiction problem: The fear of flight made us do it!!!

Still though, waviness did not get in the way as Porto is small and easy to navigate your way around.

Really a no brainer:  pretty much all metro lines cross the city centre. Our stop was Casa de Musica, an area boasting of a very modern city opera hall. Distance from there to all hustle and bustle was also walkable. It was a good start.

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If you are planning your next holiday ridiculously early, I would advise to pick dates between June-July. April (that’s what we chose) is still the season of rain, so if you are looking to get a serious tan, push the date slightly further. Despite mere rain drops, we did get time to enjoy the beach for a day and I dare to say that we might have got a bit browner.

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To make your life easier get a map from one of the information centres, it has all attention worthy places marked. As some may know, the main attractions there are wine cellars, which we ended up not making to. But during our stay of 4 days we enjoyed Porto wine straight from the shop. If you are also on a budget trip – we might be sharing a storyline here.

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Firstly, I would advise to wonder around. Porto is designed for that. Personally, I walked till my feet burnt but enjoyed all of it. The night Porto is as beautiful as during the day, so go on and explore nocturnal mysteries and daylight wonders. You will get to see unique architecture that boasts of very colourful scheme, various shops and cafes.

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If you are a planning-type sightseer you should definitely visit the following:

1. Livraria Lello & Irmao (Library that inspired its counterpart in Harry Potter )

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2. Clerigos Tower (Um… A tower. You can enjoy the view of the city)

3. Casa da Musica (Try to see a performance, but even the building itself is astonishing and worthy of seeing)

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4. Cafe Majestic (Truly majestic cafe)

5. Crystal Palace Gardens (Beautiful views, and an excellent place to rest)

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6. Cais de Ribeira (Great place to grab a bite, especially seafood)

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7. Foz (Take a stroll by the sea and enjoy one of the bars)

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8. Marcado Do Bolhao (An authentic Portuguese market)

9. Art Gallery street down Rua Miguel Bombarda.

Also don’t forget to visit the beach, you can easily get there with a bus or metro from the city centre (we took bus 202 from Casa de Musica)

As for the night life, I would recommend to get out on a Thursday evening – the streets are filled with thirsty people (it’s like a student night; drinks are the cheapest). Everyone’s drinking and then heading to the clubs. Really, just visit one of the pubs in the centre, chances are they all packed. Stick to where the crowd’s going and be happy go merry. (Unless you hate the scent of cigarettes – they all chain-smoking indoors, basements or whatever you’ll find yourself at during your night out).

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Overall, I think four days was about the right amount for Porto. We have seen a lot of it. I think, it would have been better if we visited during the warmer season and could have spent our days on the sand, baking our bacons.  The city is small, yet full of hidden charms waiting for you to stumble upon.

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If you like the sound of cats, beach, wine, seafood and Pastel del nata – Porto is a must see for you, pal(-s).

Adeus!

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Wet lashes, bronze feet: oh we surrender to the heat

The built up tension and your hand brushing my hip, gliding down the spine and resting on the arched back.

It is warm, so warm that we are bound to fall for each other, all of us, 20-someones. Even if it’s for a short time, even if it is for the swimming season. For those three months, we are more attracted, more thirsty. We enjoy this heat.

Climb up, jump around, lay on top of each other, breathing deeply and drinking coke with ice. Extra ice with shaved ice cream.

Your blue eyes and washed off cream in the background of the sea. Sand in between wet hair stripes, toe nails playing with the heart strings.

Full moon, half moon, night.

High eyes. Sleepy eyes. Ecstatic flight.

Bronze skin and wet eyelashes.

I catch your eyes catching mine.

I would like to keep you,

for some time.

  Summer