Tag Archives: humour

I do what I want, I am punk rock

Whatever, I do what I want!
Cartman as a pre-teen ho: Whatever, Whatever, I do what I want. I smoke crack, I do drugs, I drink alcihaal. I once killed SIX baby seals with my bare hands.
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The sun is shining, the flowers are blooming (almost as beautifully as I am, lol) and the life seems much more lighter and more pleasant. ON THE SURFACE!! Yeah, fellas, I am a martyr of spring love and it’s a torture! Not talking about human-to-human affection, just your natural human-to-seasonoftheyear kind of love. I mean, spring should be barely legal, just look at the kidos with the see-through T-shirts casually spreading  chemistry and hormones in the air. It is extremely contagious and drool-dangerous (if you have heart problems, you shouldn’t leave your house. Like ever).

If you, basterds, are like me,  stuck with some paperwork, then you shall not be tempted to go outside. It is a very good  piece of advice and you should follow it. Trust me, past few days  I’ve been trying to do some serious academic business, but then decided to go play in the park, instead. The next thing i know I am getting on with some beers in the corner shop and I can’t possibly leave them hanging,  can I(classical ‘it’s their fault for wearing the shiny gloss, not mine’)? So, like a badass, I take those babies, light my cigarette, turn around and walk away, while stuff explodes behind… Well, the last part might have happened only in my head, but it’s cool. I am punk rock, I do what I want.

kkk

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10 reasons why you should get a Russian mate

1. Alright, Suka?

You obviously have heard Russian accent depiction in movies, right? And guess what… It’s true! They have this really awdorkable accent and even If they sound a little bit rough, you get to hear random phrases as ‘Alright, suka’ or ‘Alright by(i)tch’. A true panties’ pooper, that is.

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2. The Russian man of Steel

Those bastards are loaded!!! My mate’s dad probably owns an empire or few,  but not only she has pockets full of cash, she also works for the mula herself. Russian princesses have it hard, I guess. But that way they are totally not spoiled and are always ready to offer a cup of coffee when a broke friend is in need (that broke friend would be me). I would cape them as real life heroes.

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3. High Tolerance Bars

Once you befriend them, you are guaranteed to have a good friend for the long run and the one who would help you whenever you are in trouble. You can even act like a dickhead or call them names, they will still accept all parts of you, whether they are wicked bad or overly good. Putin, I bet you are the one to blame. I mean, didn’t the guy sort of raised the tolerance levels?

4. Make you a better person

It happens that they are insecure about their skills or capabilities and that would be yall time to shine. Be a fucking verbal hero, support the shit outta them. I mean, it is your time to be the Martin Luther King and go yada yada yada so they could start believing in themselves a little bit more. It’s a win win situation.

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5. Drink like a baws

They either drink or not. No stopping them, once booze is in their hands. Which is a good company for an Easter European like myself. You can go real wild in a Russian’s company, but be careful as they get a lil bit aggressive, once drunk, and can start hitting you for no reason, whatsoever.

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6. Reckless bastards

Would not advise to offer any crazy ideas to them as they are ‘yes’ people. Russians rarely say no, even to the craziest offers, which can be of a danger. Physical and mental!

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7. Suck at games

They suck at games, whether that would be pool or foosball, so make sure he or she is not in your team! If you have Russian as the opponent in a game, your skills (even if you are just a beginner) will definitely shine through.

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8. Deep converse(r)s

You can have a good laugh with the Russian, but they are also very deep people that are capable of discussing various soulful topics and are opinionated in various spectrums.

9. Time recorders

If you love having pictures as  precious time memos, no worries – Russians are almost professional photographers. You eating, walking, s(h)itting – all of it will be captured. Just to prove a point, for this post I used my mate’s pics.

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10. They are fucking gorgeous

No need to explain, the motherfuckers are pretty. Who am I kiddin, they are absolutely gorgeous. Just look at that…

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Just look at it!

Have to say, having such mate is definitely a healthy option.

Hello Darkness, My old friend

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Slow anticipation was way much worse than the sizzling sound of shabby train breaks that later on has caused me repetitive brain spasms. Chill folks, this is just the beginning of the word vom you’re about to get, so buckle up. I guess the aftereffect of loud train breaks was tediously painful companionship of a bogus locomotive in my noddle. I swear it felt as if the thing was fluctuating within my skull in a speed about x1.35 times potentially faster than the real deal. (For the slower ones, I am comparing the speed of train vs train of thoughts). I guess the definition of a ‘fun ride’ differs from person to person.

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One thing that I never understood is the romanticization of travelling. I mean, all that freedom crap (if you consider freedom to be romantic at all) is just another symbolic add-on, that peculiar European or Western folks have their hands on, before fucking of to India for a shrine visiting marathon. This case is also known to contain soul searching elements. I mean, for real, yo? I find it quite weird and contradicting when a person purchases plane tickets and regards it as investment into their inner development. SOUL DOES NOT HAVE MATERIAL FORM, no need to go all Budha about it! It would be better if you would just admit that you can afford a fucking ticket and that you are a conformist like all the rest of us. If there was a chance of saving human kind this would contribute like 1% to it. Considering how big is the arse that we are in, I would say that is a fairly high percentage.  There’s also this ‘travelling without money and relying on people’s good will’ method of travelling, which seems more interconnected with soul stuff. But really, isn’t it just a good excuse to avoid paying for your shit?

I am being sceptical, but all this old train ever gave me is a sweaty arse. Nothing more, nothing less. (theoretically)

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Imagine the typical ‘looking afar’ the window picture

‘Did I leave something important behind?’ dilemma began to bug her. A tiny worry was planted and already spreading, building up in the backs of her stomach, in the stomachs of her back and tickling the throat in a wicked kind of manner. A virus? Slowly drowning into the liquid, or becoming one. Amoeba of thoughts has introduced. Now that’s some poetic justice I’ve done here, that is most likely of no one’s interest. Yet, I decided to include something a bit good-natured. I mean… I am a’ blogger’ and that’s a serious title over here. A fucking crown, for all I know.

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Both trains stop

The black & white type of crowd was getting off the train in a pace suitable for a conformist institution’s personnel. Brushing into one another and perhaps participating in a competition of who’s the fastest around. But for me, it reminded more of a rats’ race, than anything else. Suddenly, I was really keen on buying some cheese on my way home.

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Choo, choo, motherfuckers – thoughts yet departed

The busy streets reminded me of Beethoven’s sonata. Elegance emerging from chaos kind of thing. Sophistication hidden between urbanistic phantasmagorias and the mess has settled down amongst the minds of the city dwellers. This is just like one of those melodies you know by heart, but not necessarily like it, nor hate it either. You, I, US just happened to be familiar with both of the texts. I smile. Sometimes it feels good to don’t be opinionated.

All of it is fiction, though

Fashion untips

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oi bastards! missed me?

if answer is no,then it’s mutual.

I came back to remind you about ‘how to do fashion’

Fashion tips:

Nr. 1 don’t take any tips from a retard

Nr. 2 including the tip above

Nr. 3 hair is the answer

How to cheat in life?

Yo! So you know, some of us are born to suck at crafty things. Or just things that require firm instead of clumsy hands.

As you might know, I am one of the God’s unfavoured kiddos. Why? Because that’s why. (press the link, i mean it!!!)

I burn shit. And i break shit… (sounded sort of wrong). FYI:  Once i gently touched some window and not only curtains but radiator broke as well. Motherfradiator!

But back to the weird topic: I get stuff stolen from me as well, like (attention attention) in two months I lost two IDs.

I manage to buy wrong return flight tickets and realize it just before check-in. (I bought a return ticket for a month later than i should have)

Eeverything falls,breaks apart or hits me. And what do you do then?

CRY? Bitches love crying?

NO.

You cheat. You cheat your way through life:

Broke a toilet handle?

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– No problem

Council is changing windows for a block of flats:

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– Only yours is broken and construction workers noticed after already putting the frame in. No worries some bin bags for the holes will do, it’s only -7 degrees outside.

Want some hot milk?

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Having the same result twice probably means you’re too old for it.

Wanna see your favorite band?

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Some dudes in the front are pushing too hard, go home, you have to wake up early for work.

So, after all of this it should be clear that I also suck at doing my hair.

webcam-toys-photo8-Piece of advise:

Just put a hat on ffs.

p.s I wanted to go to a medical school. Imagine…